Somebody Stop Ivy Pocket by Caleb Krisp – Top 10 Tips For Daughters of Coffin Makers

somebody stopSummary from Goodreads

A slightly dead girl with a nose for a mystery … SOMEBODY STOP IVY POCKET! The hilarious follow-up to Anyone But Ivy Pocket

Ivy is now the beloved daughter of Ezra and Mother Snagbsy, coffin makers, even if she does have to work rather like a maid. Their trade is roaring, and Ivy is as happy as a pig in clover. Especially when she escapes to the library to talk to the devastatingly sympathetic Miss Carnage.

But then Ivy guesses that all is not as it seems with her new parents, and discovers that she can pass into the world of the Clock Diamond. There, she sees her friend Rebecca, horribly sad and desperate.

Can Ivy save Rebecca, and what do a missing aristocrat, a forbidden love affair and a bullfrog have to do with her mission?

Illustrated in humorous gothic detail by John Kelly, Somebody Stop Ivy Pocket is the second tale in Ivy’s deadly comic journey to discover who she really is … Perfect for fans of Lemony Snicket

Paperback
Published May 5th 16 by Bloomsbury

TOP TEN TIPS FOR DAUGHTERS OF COFFIN MAKERS

1) When your parents are talking with a grieving widow who wishes to have her husband stuffed and mounted above the fireplace so she will always have him close by – never burst out laughing. It’s plain bad manners. And very bad for business.

2) When you are dusting the funeral parlour for your slightly wicked new mother, do not be startled if there is a dead body in the room. This is perfectly normal in a funeral home and the body poses no great danger, apart from the slight chance it might wake up suddenly and eat your face. Also, dead bodies collect a great deal of dust, so run your feather duster over the cadaver until it shines like a new penny.

3) Always carry a set of your parent’s business cards in the pocket of your dress – that way you can hand them out at school. This is especially helpful if you are trying to make new friends. Nothing cements a budding friendship faster than a two-for-one discount on a pair of handsome maple coffins.

4) A note of caution when it comes to friends – try not to arrange play dates or birthday parties at home. I have learned from painful experience that a dozen inflated balloons and a cream cake will not save a party held in a room full of coffins stuffed with dead bodies. Which is terribly puzzling, but people are very strange.

5) Never hide in one of your parent’s newly made coffins then jump out when your mother is showing the coffin to a prospective customer. This can lead to heart attacks and being sent to bed without supper.

6) The upside of scaring a prospective customer to death is that their families will suddenly be in the market for a new coffin. So while it’s perfectly tragic, there is a silver lining.

7) As the daughter of a pair of slightly demented coffin makers you will be required to wear a great deal of black – black dresses, black shoes, black hats. This is on account of the many funerals you will be attending. I strongly advise against adding a pop of colour to your outfit, not matter how strong the temptation. My parents were shockingly unsupportive when I fixed a pair of yellow ducks to my cape at a recent funeral service. Though I must admit – they were frightfully noisy.

8) Do not be alarmed if you are locked in your bedroom at night. Or if your parents make you clean and scrub and polish the house from dusk until dawn. Or if your new mother seems to find you unbearably irritating. This is perfectly normal for a newly adopted daughter and will not last. Or so they say.

9) You will probably come across a great many ghosts in your new life. Which needn’t be a problem as most of them are harmless enough. Do be careful not to talk to them when in the company of ordinary folk – for there is every chance they will think you are bonkers and have you locked up.

10) If you do happen to be locked up, do not panic. Yes, the madhouses of 19th Century London are rather grim and there is every chance you will be sharing a cell with a rat big enough to throw a saddle on and ride. But on the plus side, being locked away offers a lovely opportunity to take a break from all that cleaning and polishing. So, not all bad news then!

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